Five Love Languages: Learn Yours!

 Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages has sold more than two million copies since 1996 and been translated into thirty-two languages. When asked to explain its phenomenal success, Gary says the only answer he has is that the message focuses on our deepest emotional need: to feel loved. The first version was for married couples, but having helped so many single people with their relationships led to a “For Singles” version in 2004. 

Our primary love is God, but God also made us to have fulfilling relationships with others. Philip Yancey once wrote, “Our job, and I say this carefully, is to show we care even when God seems not to.” Part of God’s plan is that his love is communicated by people. It’s not always a vision or a still, small voice. Often it’s a pastor or friend who is incarnating God’s love. God is not absent. He has simply chosen to extend his love through us.

Gary Chapman’s five love languages help us to identify how we desire to be affirmed and when we share that with others, they can extend God’s love to us in ways that make us feel nurtured and understood.


1. Words of Affirmation where unsolicited compliments mean the world to you; insults leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

2. Quality Time when nothing makes you feel better then to have full, undivided attention without distractions; postponed dates or a failure to listen are devastating.

3. Receiving Gifts where the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized and where a missed birthday or anniversary can be disastrous.

4. Acts of Service when vacuuming the floors or washing your car can be a real expression of love. Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for you demonstrates that your feelings don’t matter.

5. Physical Touch where this isn’t about the bedroom but hugs, pats on the back, and holding hands show excitement, concern, care and love. For you, neglect or abuse is unforgiveable and destructive.

Which of the five love languages are you? Go to this website and take a 30 question assessment to reveal your love language(s). It should take about 10-15 minutes; don’t rush through it. There is an assessment for husbands and wives as well as for singles.

I’ve taken the assessment and I have two LOVE LANGUAGESWords of Affirmation and Physical Touch. 

As we gather with friends and family over the holidays, share this post and encourage everyone to complete the assessment. Then share your love languages with each other. Better relationships result when we are affirmed in a language that we can understand!

Blessings for this holiday season!


5 Love Languages-(click here for MP3 file)