My Fear of Being Alone

Like many, I’ve had countless relationships, including friendships and marriages where people have come into my life and sometimes as quickly as they appeared, they were gone.  I lost my only sibling - a brother at age 6, and my parents when I was twenty-six and thirty-six years old.  You never get used to people who you love so dearly not being there. 

I’ve heard of other women who were adopted, lost a sibling or parent at a young age and most of them share my fear too.  The fear of abandonment, of waking up one day and realizing suddenly you are alone.  You would think that would make us appreciate the friends and spouses in our life, but instead it often makes us controlling and demanding – many times even possessive.  We want to know where the objects of our affection are at every minute of every day because we think plans could be made to exit our lives; gone in the blink of an eye.  Recent studies show the divorce rate for first marriages at 41%, second marriages at 60% and third marriages at 73%.  Why do we think our relationships are any different?

But over the last three years my thinking has been transformed.  In Chronicles 28:20, David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and of good courage, and act. Do not be afraid or dismayed; for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.”

Now I not only believe, I know God loves me and fills the hole in my heart. I also know He will never abandon me.  With this assurance, I no longer feel the need to control and possess the people in my life.  God has blessed me with their friendship for an hour, a day, or maybe a lifetime.  I now enjoy my friends when I see them, not possessing them, controlling them, or judging them - just enjoying their presence in my life as brothers and sisters in Christ. 

If you are female, and between thirty-five and sixty-five years old, you’ve most likely known the feelings of lost friendships or marriages. If so, have you ever had the fear of being alone?  How did you overcome it?  Has your faith in God influenced your life in this regard?