“I’m so happy we met last night. Can’t wait to see you again!” was the entire text message. Hmmm, I thought, “I wonder who this is from?” The answer was only moments away. “Message was for John; sent u by mistake, “ texted my friend, Louise.
But that text could have been from me because I was like that too. Pursuing almost every man I met so that I wouldn’t be lonely – I wouldn’t be alone. It would begin the same way. I’d meet a man and call the next day to say how much I enjoyed his company. I’d invite him to dinner, buy him gifts or even treat him to the movies. After all, I was a liberated female, right? Who says I had to wait for him to call? I needed to be the aggressor in a relationship, to make all the decisions and call all the shots. I thought it was charming if he just sat back, acted passive, and let me come on to him. I was certain that if I didn’t chase him, another female would be nipping at his heels.
I have two male friends, ages 34 and 51. They’ve both been married and are now divorced. They admit that women have chased them since they were teenagers. The minute one relationship was over another woman began an earnest pursuit. The reality was they never had to pursue women – they never had to work hard in relationships. Why you ask? Simple; because women never encouraged these men to pursue them. The “hunt”, if that’s what you can call it, was too easy. Sort of like shooting fish in a barrel.
But now I am different. I don’t want to be the pursuer, to go after men that slow down long enough to be caught. I don’t want to compete with all those other women, to see who can offer the most affection.
I want a strong man with a strong heart. I want a man that knows God, is strong in his convictions, is strong enough to lead and is strong enough to suffer. I want a man that is going to be the initiator in a relationship with me, one that cares enough to nurture my faith. I don’t want a man that is overbearing and demanding. I want a man that is willing to pursue and protect me, not seduce and own me.
I had to quit chasing. I am practicing on three single guys in my small Circle of Twelve friends. I let them do things for me, and plan things to do. I let them call and text me, at least most of the time. I have stopped filling the silence in every conversation.
I am learning how to nourish and be a helpmate in a relationship, not how to invade and conquer.
I pray that as women, we will encourage and make room for the men in our lives to pursue and lead us, so that we may honor and cherish each other.