At a minimum, there is a sadness that overcomes us when a relationship comes to an end. Whether it is a marriage or a friend, we long to fulfill expectations again that are no longer met.
I’ve experienced it with spouses and friends and it leaves a hole whether you are the one leaving or the one being left. It is never easy.
My second marriage lasted for 13 years and then appeared to mystically fall apart. In reality it was in the 3rd year that I realized that we were very different people in how we viewed God and the rest of the world. I’d made a commitment to help raise and support my stepchildren, but when they were out of college and I developed breast cancer, I realized I couldn’t continue in the marriage any longer. My relationship was preventing me from being the person that God wanted me to be.
Other friends have also divorced after 10+ years of marriage, but their story is a little different. Instead of ignoring telltale signs of incompatibility like I did, theirs was a storybook marriage, in many cases, rooted in church and God. But when they got to be 50+ years of age, and the kids were out of college, they too realized that they’d grown apart. When one spouse views the world with fear and is angry that their dreams haven’t been realized, and the other spouse sees nothing but the richness of God’s kingdom, there is daily friction that often accelerates into outright incompatibility. It is heartbreaking to be unable to convince someone of Gods’ goodness.
I’ve spent the past 8 years sharpening my level of discernment, taking time to find out who is a sincere and loving person in my life, and those who are manipulative and loving only when it benefits them. Sometimes I can tell on the first meeting and other relationships take more time, but until I am sure, I am unwilling to give my heart away again. Good friends whom I trust have taught me to run towards God when adversity strikes. I want my intimate friends to react the same way, trusting God for everything and knowing how much He loves us every day.
It is sad when a relationship ends, but it also is freeing when we say good-bye. When a relationship prevents us from doing what God asks, it is time to leave.
I pray that all your relationships bring God glory.
Blessings, my friend,
gatha