To believe is not ultimately to wrap your brain around some existential concept. To believe is to embrace something with your heart, as if your life depended on it. Get out of the confusions of your head and go deeper into your heart.
To listen to the podcast (12:52) from the Brothers of The Society of St. John the Evangelist (SSJE) Monastery in Cambridge, MA: https://www.ssje.org/4.audio/12days/day6.mp3
Blessings, my friend
Agatha