I’m embarking on a study on PRAYER with a few friends this Fall. I had always longed for a real relationship and dialogue with God but for most of my life, my prayers were out of habit or obligation, and then usually went unanswered. I was too ashamed to reveal my true self and enter into a deep intimate relationship where I enjoyed a rich conversation with God. I admit that I was afraid of Him and His judgment.
It wasn’t until my wounds started healing that my prayer life really began.
My wounds started in childhood with an alcoholic father, but we all have life stories where relationships didn’t work out the way we had hoped. Regardless of the wound, the healing process starts first by re-shaping our relationship with God.
After breast cancer in 2006 and a divorce the following year, I realized that I needed to first change my thinking about God. He wasn’t the god of punishment that I grew up with, but instead a loving father who was “well-pleased” with me. I concentrated on these statements to begin my healing process:
1. I am a sinner.
2. I am no better or worse than anyone else; we are all sinners. Even my worst enemy is not worse than me.
3. God knows everything about me including my sins and my every thought.
4. Even though God knows my every sinful thought and action, He still loves me.
5. I can trust that God will always love me.
6. I can trust that God wants the best for me as His child.
7. I can trust that I have a more intimate relationship with God than I have ever had, or ever will have, with a human.
8. Everything that I have including my possessions, family and relationships belongs to God.
9. God will provide for my every need.
10. When I draw my last breath, God loves me so much that He will be there to take me in His arms to my next life.
It took years for me to stop believing the lies, guilt and shame that were in my head, and instead allow God to love me.
It wasn’t a straight path, but once I believed that God was my friend and protector and that my relationship with Him would always be more important than any other, I started the healing process. Once the healing process began, my prayer life blossomed, where I was comfortable talking with a really close friend who loved me unconditionally.
I pray that you will let God heal you and that a real dialogue with God can begin.
Blessings,
Agatha