It is the last day for our hike. Twelve miles to go from Pedrouzo to reach Santiago. It seems like we have just started on this journey with friends I’ve known all my life. I know that neither is true: this is the fifth and last day of our hike and I have just met these amazing people a little over a week ago. 

As always we started the day with a prayer as well as a special admonition from Bishop Doug Sparks. We will pass a chapel at about the half-way point that is at the Monte de Gozo (Mount of Joy). This is where we can catch a glimpse of Santiago’s Cathedral and are only about 6 miles from our final destination. Bishop Sparks encouraged us to note our cares and concerns in those first 6 miles and then to stop in the Chapel of St. Mark (Capila de San Marcos) and leave all our cares and concerns there. We should come out of the Chapel with the understanding that Christ has already carried all our burdens for us.  

We started with a fairly large hill and by 11am I found myself walking alone again. I remembered what Bishop Sparks had said, and I spent the morning re-tracing my life, identifying the idols that I have never been able to shake. Topmost of those idols for me are a longing for a loving family and an unhealthy approach to food/weight. I’ve made very poor decisions when I put these idols ahead of God.

As I approached the entrance to the Monte de Gozo, I recognized Bishop Carlos Lozano and Carol Aves, two members of our group who were touring UTO grant sites. It was good to see someone I knew after walking alone for hours. They said I was the first hiking pilgrim they had seen, but I said that it wasn’t possible: there were at least 6 people who had started out ahead of me in the morning and were walking faster.

I went into the small Chapel of St. Mark where a handful of people were kneeling and praying with candles flickering in the light breeze. It was cool and calm and I felt a need to take in the essence of the chapel alongside these strangers in the pews. I remembered Bishop Sparks’ morning words and I named the idols that I had worshiped in my life. They had been family, food, success, work/career acknowledgement and financial success, and I realized how they all were in a competition in my soul to try to crowd out Christ. I vowed to guard against the idols that had trapped me from doing God’s work, and lit a candle to seal my commitment with an outward sign of my sincere devotion.

I left the chapel and again saw no one that I knew. The Grant site pilgrims had left and I didn’t see anyone from our group hiking, so I started afresh knowing that I had about 6 miles left to reach my final destination.

With my head and heart empty, I thought back to writings from St. John of the Cross. In these last few miles to Santiago, I experienced that third dark night described by St. John of the Cross.

As I started the descent into Santiago, I no longer desired anything but to keep walking toward my destination, and I identified my destination was to be in union with God. St. John says that it is experienced as the dawning of a new day where the soul has been transformed through God and love has been accomplished.

I kept walking and no longer cared where anyone else from my group was or how much further I needed to go. I was confident I was on the right road and that with strength and endurance, I would eventually reach that third night.

The Grant Site Pilgrims were waiting for us one kilometer from the Cathedral of St. James. I saw Lynette, JoAnne and Carol as they exclaimed that I had made it and that I was the first one.

“But I can’t be first, there are at least 6 ahead of me.”

But it didn’t matter. Walking alone for the past 3 hours I was able to experience that union with God.

In the book, Find Your Way Home by Episcopal Priest Becca Stevens of Nashville, the 18th chapter is titled “Walk Behind”:

“On the Spiritual path we are not asked to walk side by side as friends. We are asked to walk behind our God.

We are called to learn what servanthood means and to follow our spiritual path…

To walk behind means that I need to follow. It means I can share new ideas, give hope, and open my heart. If I walk behind, it means that I can look ahead and see the faces of my sisters looking back at me. I can see them smiling and laughing with great joy. I can imagine that one day it will be my face that is looking back, giving hope to someone who is walking behind…

As I walk behind, I realize we all are walking behind a power greater than ourselves.”

As I finish my Camino I know that it is God that I am walking behind, and no other person or thing can take the place of my heart’s union with God.

Blessings, my friend,
Agatha