I have a blessed life, no doubt about it. I have a wonderful church life, a great circle of friends and a job that challenges me in many ways. I also have ample free time and a nudging from God to take on yet another project. I am writing a book. Yes, I’m writing a book about female-male relationships and how I believe God calls us to interact with one another. It’s not that the world needs another book on relationships or dating that makes me want to tackle this project. The shelves are full of the Mars versus Venus hand guides on understanding differences between men and women.
I’m writing my book because I kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again, expecting a different result. It took me years to figure this one out but I have come to realize what is really important in life. So what have I done so far?
- I have endured countless failed relationships with men and two failed marriages, and I knew I needed to make some changes or it would happen again with the next guy I met.
- I also learned that I used sex to try to erase the loneliness and despair in my life, trapping a man into an intimate relationship that was built on quicksand. As soon as we hit rough spots, the relationship quickly dissolved and sank to the depths of the abyss.
- I have learned to cast out my false idols and overcome my insecurities and fears. I have been transformed and have learned to put God first in my life.
- I have learned how to build an intimate circle of friends who demonstrate unearned love and help me to understand what I need to do to have successful male relationships. Now I have relationships with men that are deep and intimate, built on my security of being loved by God.
Instead of repeating the same mistakes and expecting a better result, I’ve made the decision to reserve sex for a future husband because I believe that it is the most intimate form of communication between a husband and wife and is intended to bring pleasure to God. Sex outside of marriage doesn’t allow the relationship to develop in other areas such as trust and forgiveness. It never has.
Over the last several years of reading and studying God’s word, I have become dependent upon God, wanting to please Him more with each passing day. My dependency upon God allows me to also recognize a husband as the spiritual leader of the family, allowing him to care for me and nurture my faith through frequent reading of the Word, joint prayer and participative worship. It was only when I changed myself that I was able to fully enter a male relationship based upon the grace, mercy, and unearned love that we first receive from Christ.
I’ll post weekly on this blog and I welcome your comments to ensure a rich, robust dialogue. I am a “work in progress”, inviting you to travel with me on this journey as we learn to better love.